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I have a son. There are several issues that stem from having a boy over a girl, not the least of which is the “fountain effect.”

For those of you who don’t know, the fountain effect is when taking a diaper off of a boy, the chill causes him to spontaneously pee.

Now, I knew this. I had some experience with it, so I was prepared. The boy had a poopy diaper, so I unfastened it, and placed a baby wipe on his penis so as to avoid the dirty fountain. At this point, however, things began to go wrong. Rhys kicked, jamming his feet into his black, tarry mess. Surprised, I grabbed another wipe to get his feet clean, and forgot about the penis capping wipe. Sure enough, it moved, and he peed on his diaper, his feet, Tonya, his bedding, his eye, the wall, and the floor.

So, now I know the second lesson. Hold his feet. Firmly.

Incidentally, the nursery at St. David’s is typically a quiet place, but with every nurse in the place laughing as I explained why I needed new bedding and towels, it was, for a moment or two, a very merry place.